Funny Status Quotes & Messages

Update the status in your favorite apps (e.g. WhatsApp, Facebook, Discord etc.) with the funny messages below.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!

I'll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib!

Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones to make

I am stranded on toilet island

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it

I like playing with my cat when I'm high. Because I don't have one when I'm sober.

I wish I were you, so I could be friends with me

Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and drive

I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday

Some people just need a High-Five, on the face

I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?

Back in 5 minutes. If not, read this status again

Why do people use away messages? they're so stupid!

75% of gym members don't even know their gym is closed

I'd grill your cheese! ~me, flirting

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him

I'm not immature, I just know how to have fun

If you hate wearing a mask, it's highly likely you're not going to enjoy the ventilator.

Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart!

Life is beautiful... from Friday to Monday

Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!

Time is precious. Waste it wisely

I'm not sad for being single. Rather I'm thinking about my better half, who is single because of me

Before Coronavirus, I'd cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough

When your Dr. says "I'll need to Google that"... you know it's time to change the doctor

There's this lost cause I believe is called myself

I'm having a quarantine party this weekend. None of you are invited!

I don't care what other say or think about me, at least I am attractive to mosquitoes